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Real Talk: Why You’re Putting Up With Mediocre Relationships…

In my life and chosen profession, I’ve met countless individuals trapped in unhappy relationships… 

Both personally and professionally, I’ve lived in dysfunction for over a decade suffering deeply hurtful, abusive and downright dangerous relationships, not to mention multiple years of domestic and sexual violence.

The silver lining of this nightmare is that it’s afforded me a profound understanding of this particular issue, and why so many submit to daily devastation, rather than attempting what they KNOW will be better.

Having addressed my unconscious conditioning, leaving behind my violent, fearful and financially disastrous past, and personally witnessing the incredible life changes that follow, I’m now leading others to the same authentic freedom.

So in an age where we know that help is available, it begs the question...

Why do so many STILL settle for bullshit?

Here are three major factors I see stifling many, and what I learned from my struggle to get out…

1. Fear of Being Alone

One of the most pervasive reasons people stay in bad personal relationships is the paralysing fear of being all alone. No matter how loveless, sexless, dysfunctional, or violent, the thought of facing the world solo is too daunting to bear. This fear incites many to suffer the devil they know, no matter how horrible their relationships are. 

This fear is often based on low self-esteem, as I experienced first hand through my own personal transformation. Many want passion, friendship, shared goals, and fun; however, most believe they’re not worthy of better. Many convince themselves they won't find anyone who wholly accepts them for who they are. This mindset traps them in a cycle of settling, and reliving their patterns again and again.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how transformative work on self-worth can lead to monumental shifts in one’s personal life. This shift not only helps in finding a suitable partner but also improves careers, financial stability, family life and so on...

2. Cultural and Societal Pressures

Society places immense pressure on individuals to be in relationships, a lot of the time equating singleness with failure. Many are led to believe that it’s not possible to lead an exciting, happy, and fulfilling life without a partner. Although we are seeing this expectation soften, it still drives many to stay in partnerships that don’t serve their well-being.

Family expectations are also a key factor as many fear disappointing their families or facing judgement for leaving a partnership. This pressure is particularly strong in cultures where marriage is highly valued and divorce is stigmatised, often due to religion. Such cultural pressure and familial dynamics veil personal choice in anxiety. The fear of calling it quits on a relationship pushes individuals to lying, cheating, and leading secret lives, before they will ever admit to unhappiness.

3. And the BIGGEST driver - Economic Instability

Financial dependence is arguably the most significant driver of so many staying miserable both personally and professionally. Many have heard cautionary tales of women who have taken time off to have children, foregone their careers to be stay-at-home mothers, or have simply agreed to take a back seat to their partner, only to be left in dire financial instability following the unexpected breakup of a dysfunctional marriage, or the inability to work again due to professional rejection of their age or time away from the workforce.

Men are not excluded from this immobilising fear either. Many men are accused of working too much, neglecting their families, or have found themselves in situations where they have financially supported their family for a time, then been “taken to the cleaners” by a scorned ex-wife, bearing false Domestic Violence Orders or weaponised visitation of their beloved children. A dear friend of mine has built a thriving law practice to specifically address this concerning reality, which is heartbreaking in its epidemic proportion.

The Road to Relationship Recovery

So how do we address the above limitations and finally break free of dysfunctional relationships?

Here are six fundamental steps to breaking free of toxicity and improving your relationships - all of which you can begin right now:

1. Acknowledge the Problem

The first step is acknowledging that your personal or professional relationships are unhealthy and fundamentally detrimental to your well-being. This one stops many before they get started... If you're in denial about the challenges you’re facing, you'll never be capable of navigating change. It can be a "scary" revelation to many, however, EVERYTHING in your life is a result of your thoughts, choices and behaviour. You NEED to discover what is keeping you stuck. by accepting responsibility without blame, and quit beating yourself up for your perceived failures. Admitting there’s an issue and getting your head out of the sand is an essential first step for the change you want.

2. Seek Professional Help

Engage with a professional for necessary guidance and support. Now is the time to put your money where your mouth is. Enlist the help of professionals who have what you want, and work through it with them to learn what you need to. It is faster, cheaper & much less stressful to buy a blueprint to achieve your goals, guided by a professional to expedite change and create the drama-free life you’re looking to achieve.

3. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with friends and family who can provide emotional and practical support during your transition. We are all a combination of those closest to us, and if things aren’t working, your circle needs to change. Anyone who does NOT support your growth, is a necessary loss to achieve the life you want. 

4. Plan Your Finances

Financial independence is crucial to transition. No matter what financial position you’re currently in, find a resource that suits your situation. Commit to your vision, get out of your comfort zone and invest in yourself to change the situation. Start planning and saving to ensure you have the resources needed to support yourself and your forward movement. If you don’t know how to do this, seek help or find free resources by those who've done what you want to do.

5. Take Action

Once you’re ready, take the necessary steps to move the process forward. This may involve having a candid conversation with the other person or people involved, finding a new environment or seeking legal advice if necessary. Remember - you never have to take this action alone. A transformative consultant can guide you through the process, strategically and objectively, providing necessary support every step of the way.

6. Commit 100% to the Life You Want - Every. Single Day!

Nothing changes if nothing changes, and the decisions that got you into your mess, are never going to get you out. If you keep living in the past, thinking the same thoughts and exhibiting the same behaviour, change will be short-lived and you’ll fall back into the exact same patterns. You must commit every day to focusing forward and building the life that you want for yourself. Everything is a choice, our thoughts dictate our beliefs, our beliefs dictate our actions, and our actions bring about what we do or don’t want in our lives. A transformative consultant will keep you accountable so change endures where motivation fails.

How Many Years Will You Lose Settling? 

We all know that life is incredibly short, however the wrong relationship will sentence you to a lifetime of regret. Yes, there are intense emotions associated with change, but the alternative is a life half-lived, and quite frankly you deserve better. 

There’s a good reason I’ve dedicated my life and career to assisting my clients with change and transition - because I’ve personally experienced the meteoric shift of biting the bullet and going after what I want! 

I’ve seen what’s on the other side of fear, abuse and settling for less, and I’ve learned first-hand how to change the game! 

I now live in happiness every single day. In my relationship, my career, my family and my friendships - but more importantly, in my own head! 

The negativity has abated, the past no longer exists and the nightmares I lived are now simply a chapter I use to demonstrate the power of what is actually possible.

Don’t live one more day submitting to relationships you KNOW aren’t good for your self-value. 

Whether you’re struggling personally, professionally, suffering loss or lack of purpose - Contact me now to get happy again! 

Until next time…

All my love, 

Courtenay x

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